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Masturbation is not a sin.
Yes, we’re going there!
I’ve had people up in arms about this all week!
As with every statement in this series, I’ll state the technical point, then get to the HUGE iceberg that lies beneath! Consider this:
- -Many people consider wet dreams to fall into this category, but most really can’t be stopped. Is this a sin?
- -Fetuses have been known to masturbate in the womb. Is this a sin?
- -Sometimes masturbation is necessary to open up a blockage. Is this a sin?
- -If a couple can’t have a baby and it’s the dude who’s got the issue, then someone’s gotta masturbate to supply the healthy sperm. Is this a sin?
It seems clear to me that no, masturbation is not a sin.
Before you leave the room…realize that masturbation runs some serious risks.
1. Realize that lust will ruin your life.
Ed Young Jr. once said ‘lust is like drinking from a toilet. It will kill you…eventually. So stop drinking toilet water!’ Let’s be very very very honest. So many people use the argument of ‘but I’m not lusting!’ I HIGHLY doubt any of them are perfect in avoiding lust while having an orgasm. It seems very unlikely that this is the case. If masturbation is sexual gratification and you insist on doing it…then why WOULDN’T you think about someone. (I’ve heard people go so far as to say that since you’re having a onesome and being pleasured by someone of the same sex (you) that masturbating in actually homosexuality). Certainly a creative point! But I digress. Cut the crap- lust and masturbation go hand-in-hand and we all know it. God specifically says to “flee from lust.” Masturbation runs us straight at it.
2. Masturbation can mess you up physically.
Depending on how you did it growing up, it can actually keep you from having great sex when you’re married. Your body has been used to being pleasured in a certain way for so long that once you’re married and it’s receiving a different (temperature, friction, angle, speed, etc.), it can actually take away from your ‘marital bliss.’ Case in point- Hugh Hefner. Sure, Hugh is ‘the man’. Creator of Playboy and uber sex machine. Yet he can’t even orgasm through intercourse. He has to be masturbated by one of the Playmates because he’s so screwed up sexually. Dang.
Not to mention the chemical addiction that masturbation causes. Many people can’t sleep without doing it- that’s because it’s a good sleeping pill. It lowers your blood pressure and releases endorphins…you feel better after doing it. This can lead to a lifelong chemical addiction, and if often does. I’ve met married men in their fifties who still struggle with it.
If you’re struggling with an addiction to masturbation, we’d love to walk alongside you. Get in contact with myself or Michelle as soon as possible. There IS freedom in Christ.
3. Masturbation steals something beautiful from your marriage.
Masturbation is literally ‘taking sex into your own hands.’ Going way beyond the physical, masturbation steals something from the ‘intimacy department.’ If your spouse is supposed to be your only source of sexual fulfillment, then masturbating is taking that trust away from them. It’s backpedaling your future intimacy! You need to trust your future spouse to fulfill your sexual needs. This will take your relationship to a whole nutha level. And you need to trust God to bring along this kind of spouse.
All in all, it seems so harmless, but I think masturbation is a dangerous thing to mess with. The long-term risks are just too high.
I don’t mean to strike fear in anyone. Guilt either. You get enough of that on Sundays. I’d simply like to post a warning sign- that all actions (turned habits) have consequences. Your call.
Let me speak to two specific groups of people for a moment.
1. There are some of you who have struggled on and off with masturbation, some for many years. You’ve read every book, listened to every message, tried every computer filter and avoidance technique, and yet eventually you slip up and fall. You’re consumed by guilt and wracked with shame. You feel like you’ve let God down and failed Him forever. Here’s what I suggest: stop the self abuse. Realize that without supernatural spiritual strength, you’ll NEVER win! And that’s a good thing. Here’s why: it allows God’s grace to live large in your life. Not that this is a reason to keep on sinning of course! The point is this:
If you can’t work your way into heaven, then the opposite is true: you can’t work your way out of sin.
THIS. IS. HUGE!!! Read it again. Here’s what I’d suggest: those moments where God seems close and you’re doing well- KILL IT. Live there…grow deeply in love with Jesus and His people. Then when the storms of temptation come- weather them with a group of people that love you deeply. Your hard work, your disciplined religion…they’ll never gain you the freedom you’re searching for. Only love will. So grow in love.
2. There are a group of people who read the statement ‘masturbation is not a sin’ and got a huge smile on their face. These people consider themselves to be Christ-followers, yet continue to try to find ways around this issue. Truth is, they have no plans on stopping. They’re addicted to masturbation and they’re hopelessly consumed with their lust, so instead they attack all who say that masturbation is wrong. They hide behind the ‘legality of Scripture’ as their only defense of their sin. Let me be very clear with you: Jesus sees what you’re doing. Nothing is hidden from Him. You are fooling only yourselves. Realize that you’ve been taking God’s name in vain- that you stand in opposition to the things He loves, while (in futility) trying to pretend you love him. Make the choice to change. (it’s called repentance) Begin a new life.
But Jay, the Bible doesn’t say NOT to masturbate!
It also mentions nothing about cocaine use, tax fraud, euthanizing old people, or aborting babies.
Do you see where I’m going here?
Jesus came to say a few really good things. One of them being this: “it’s not about the law people…it’s all about your heart!”
When it comes to masturbation, I think it’s covered under the principle of 1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
This is profound. I highly doubt anyone can say “God, I’m masturbating for your glory.”
Someday, we’ll all stand before God, accountable for our actions. Is this really one that you’d like God to review?
It’s hard to be the hands and feet of Jesus when you’re self-pleasuring. It’s hard to be the Body of Christ when you’re touching yourself.
Instead, let’s do this: let’s use our bodies for what they were made to be- temples of the Holy Spirit. Let’s reach out (can I go here?!) and touch the world for Jesus. Let’s love and grow in intimacy with God and people and surround ourselves by fulfilling relationships. Let’s love our spouses and trust them to meet our needs. Let’s put our bodies to holy work for the Lion and His lands.
It’s what we were created for.
Love,
Jay
August 27th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Hey Jay!
Another great post. A few things I’d like to comment on though…
There’s a book I read a few years ago called “The Struggle” by a very educated and Jesus-loving Dr. Steve Giraldi and it takes a more liberal approach on Christian masturbation in that it is often our view of what lust exactly is that causes us to think that masturbation is sin. I don’t want to get into this too much as I think it’s something they need to read and arrive at their own conclusions. In a nutshell he says that humans, especially teens are hardwired (by GOD) as sexual beings and that there can be healthy and MODERATE ways of seeking release. Instead of waiting for our mind to have a sexy dream (which is, essentially lusting when you boil it down, controlled or not) to release, the book suggests to take back control. This is to be coupled with strong accountability about your thought life and extreme moderation.
That’s all I’ll speak to on that part - I definitely think, as you mentioned, it’s a Romans 14 issue. In some ways, I think a teenager seeking HEALTHY, MODERATE release before hanging out with his girlfriend (bringing his libido down, causing him to stop thinking about getting in her pants) might actually be a positive, God honouring thing. Separating true lust is the tricky part.
This is not an issue I am set on by any means, and I’m surely not suggesting it as gospel truth. But it sure is a great discussion starter!
Also, be careful about your mentioning of “Chemical” addiction to something like masturbation. It is impossible to be chemically addicted so something of that nature. We can grow a psychological dependence however, where we THINK we “need” it to go to sleep, etc. This can certainly be a very unhealthy thing, and can be very difficult to break. From a scientific standpoint, one CAN be addicted to pornography but NOT masturbation.
Lastly, thank you for point #2. This is probably the biggest factor that needs to be expressed. We have freedom in Christ to do many things that aren’t explicitly forbidden in Scripture, but that doesn’t mean we should necessarily partake in that particular activity. God has designed us for sex with our spouse. He has designed our bodies to react a certain way, and if we spent our teen/young adult years masturbating every other day, we’ve essentially taught our bodies “This is the only way for release”. Boys, I hate to say it, and this is very frank, but your future spouse’s vagina will never be as tight as you can make your hand. Deal with it. That’s your problem, not hers. So if your penis has become accustomed to your hand and is struggling making the transition to intercourse, it is the result of your own doing and nothing else.
I love the shift in dialog that Christians have had over the years on this…it’s basically gone from “DON’T DO IT” to really showing the reality when we chose to live outside of God’s boundaries. And I don’t even mean the term boundaries in a “moralistic” sense. I simply mean that with our God-given freedom, we sometimes exercise that freedom to an unhealthy extent. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, sin or not. It’s about loving God and glorifying Him with our WHOLE LIFE (Romans 12).
I hope there’s a ton more dialog about this. Anyone interested in that book I mentioned, here’s an Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Struggle-Steve-Gerali/dp/1576834557/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251383713&sr=8-1
August 27th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
uhm, not to be “that guy” but tax fraud would be not rendering unto ceasar harper what is his!
Now onto my real reason for writing, you forgot one key issue;
Masturbation creates a fantasy world, while not only physically warping you, it means that your partner (hand, dildo, couch, bowl of jello or apple pie) only exists for your pleasure. There is no beautiful give and take, no focusing on the pleasure of your partner (no one asks their hand if there is a better way to pleasure it). When then you engage in sex with your partner, its all about your pleasure. A pattern which can be almost impossible to break.
So under the “biblical marriage” formula where the man is to fulfil his “marital duties” (which includes sexually satisfying his wife 1 corinthians 7:3-5) this becomes a daunting task if he has spent his whole life letting the “Palmer Sisters” pleasure him. His goal should be to pleasure his wife, and hers to pleasure him… and that wont be a possibility if both live in a fantasy world where they are the only one who receives pleasure. Now toys, hands, jello, pie and whatnot can be a blast in the context of reality… but when push comes to shove (horrible phrase use there) staying in reality is the key!
August 27th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Gotcha Jimmy…that’s tax evasion! I’m thinking more like a Martha Stewart…
You’re right, that’s a key issue.
Ps…the bowl of Jello made me throw up in my mouth.
August 27th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Interesting thoughts Justin. I’d like to check out that book.
Questions:
So when Johnny touches himself before his date with Sallie, what’s he thinking about?
What happens if your wife gets really sick someday, do you go back to masturbating?
Let me push back on the possibility of a masturbation addiction: Any dopamine releasing activity can become addictive. Masturbation is a big one. Couple it with the spiritual and psychological dependence and you.are.HIGHLY.addicted. Quite possible.
Thanks for the honesty with #2. Solid dude.
August 27th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
On addiction:
You’re absolutely right. And by definition, it is a “psychological addiction” and not a “physical [or chemical] addiction”. When dopamine is involved it essentially sends messages to your brain saying “hey, remember how good it felt when you did this?”. I mean, this is why I crave sex with my wife. I enjoy the spiritual, physical and emotional connection sex brings with my wife (none of which I can get if I masturbate). But there is a “good feeling” and “bad feeling” message that gets sent to our brain. Like this:
Johnny and his wife enjoy a healthy sex life and grow closer to one another as a result. They both crave sex with one another because of the “good feeling” it gives when they’re touched, when they orgasm etc.
Conversely, Billy-Joe early on in his marriage learned that sex gave him a “bad feeling” because sex was looked on as dirty and he was scolded as a pervert for wanting sex with his wife. His brain then tells him sex is “bad” and chances are he won’t feel free or safe to seek intercourse with his wife.
Similarly, masturbation gives off that “good feeling” (momentary as it may be) and that is why people go back. They think, “When I pleasure myself, it feels good”, creating a potentially unhealthy habit, but definitely more on the psychological end of addiction. While it, of course, consists of chemicals running through the brain and sending signals, it is by no means a physical dependency. With time and behavior correction, the habit can change. Unlike say a heroin addict - they experience the physical withdrawal like most of us have seen on TV or (hopefully not) in person. The journey for the person with a physical dependency unfortunately has a much longer and arduous battle ahead.
As far as the other questions:
What is Johnny thinking about? This is where our view of lust comes into play - and where people need to arrive at their own conclusions about themselves and about lust. If we look Biblically speaking at lust, we see verses like Jesus talking about adultery, and I have to wonder, if he’s talking about adultery, is there a chance when he says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” that Jesus is speaking specifically to and about married men and women? This is crucial, because if it’s within the realm of possibility I think Johnny can have a HEALTHY sexual fantasy about Sallie. Again, I recognize that this is controversial and I by no means swear by this. Just some things to think about. Johnny, by doing this is taking control of his lust, and not letting it consume him.
For me it’s all about moderation - if we swing the pendulum too far one way we border with legalism, and on one end we’re being naive as to the effects of habitual masturbation, gross, ungodly fantasies and so on. And don’t get me wrong, some people NEED that strictness. This is why I call this a Romans 14 issue. Everyone needs to know themselves intimately and know what they can and cannot handle before crossing that boundary that is VERY CLEARLY marked sin (coveting someone elses spouse, turning fantasy into reality). Oddly enough, even Kevin Leman in “Sheet Music” condones a husband masturbating (with permission of course) the morning before a hot date with his wife so he can provide longer lasting pleasure and intimacy that night.
As far as the sick, or even absent wife goes, I would consider it a great gift if my wife allowed me to masturbate (either with her or by myself) during seasons where intercourse or other sexual activities are not possible, or if I’m away on a church trip, left alone in a hotel room (even if it’s for an hour) with the temptation of turning to porn. This is all stuff that needs to be dialoged with our spouses about, but if I am turning a temptation like porn away for masturbating and thinking about my wife, I think I can say with a clear conscience that I’m honouring both my wife and God.
Some wives still may not be comfortable with this, but I find it comes from a lack of understanding of how our male mind and body functions - women sometimes seem to have an off and on switch (or so it seems). But guys could be resisting the temptation to turn on the TV and turn to a very negative “outlet” and still burning with lust to the point that they cannot sleep. This is not good and could EASILY be solved by taking that temptation and bringing it under control by thinking sexually about your wife.
For other readers: I am speaking from a male perspective. Most of this can be totally interchangable for females. I realize and recognize that it’s not nearly as talked about, but God has wired us all differently and he has clearly wired some females to have a much higher sex drive than others, making things like masturbation and porn a huge temptation - case in point - someone like Anne Jackson from flowerdust.net.
Wow, this is getting long. Done.
In Christ,
Justin
August 27th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
You. Are. Delusional.
Assuming there IS a God, then he made us in his own image - and therefore programmed masturbation into our hard wiring. As you said, it’s pleasurable. It releases endorphins. It lowers blood pressure. It IMPROVES OUR HEALTH.
I have no idea when this stupid sect of Christianity emerged that equates DENIAL with piety, but it’s WRONG. It’s bad theology. It’s taking your own human neuroses and compulsive behaviors and trying to pretend that they’re part of Christ’s message when they’re patently NOT.
And we have a name for people like you - pharisee
Pharisees are obsessed with man-made rules (especially concerning purity) whereas Jesus is more concerned with God’s love.
Masturbation is simply not against Christ’s agenda, only against yours, so instead of spreading his gospel, you’re simply trying to spread your own.
You’re also trying to deny yourself the natural, pure and innocent pleasure that God gave you the capacity to have. That’s an insult to everything Christianity stands for.
Instead you take an almost erotic pleasure in denial - that’s called masochism. It’s actually a sexual fetish. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but be aware of the fact that you’re indulging your own sexual kink with rants like this, which makes you something of a hypocrite.
August 27th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
A rather large lesson in toned-down exaggeration would probably be prudent Roland.
But I’m seriously fascinated though…do you think God masturbates?
As for denial of self, I’m pretty sure that one’s VERY well covered in Luke 9:23.
As for ‘compulsive behaviours and human neuroses’, would you include anger in there? Because if that’s the case, we would have all killed someone we know in anger. We’re not animals. We can rise about ‘urges’. We have control.
I guess I’m not good at getting my point across- there isn’t a ‘rule’ to not masturbate…there’s a freedom-based decision that each of us needs to make.
I think we’re all guilty of this somewhere. My gospel has yet to save anyone, so I’m trying to cut it out.
Some people find cutting pleasurable…but it’s not smart. Some people do drugs…even natural ones…but it’s not wise. Choices have consequences. I think you’re wayyy overboard in thinking that my belief on this tiny topic insults all of Christianity.
As for your last line, I wish you’d actually get to know me before making such absurdist claims.
End of the day, we have a choice- to live with this horrible guilt because we’ve masturbated, or we can make a choice to pursue purity, and let God’s grace handle all our shortcomings.
August 27th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Cool Justin, thanks for taking the time to elaborate and enlighten. Love always bro. And you were right- you have written more than the original post!
August 27th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Wow! Roland Hulme is a Militant Ginger indeed! (Check his site out… kind of creepy)
For a guy who is “pro” masturbation because it “lowers blood pressure”… you seem a little tense?
August 27th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I’m pretty happy with the masturbating. Guilt-free and closer to God than ever.
August 28th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Lol…again, guilt’s not the point!
September 3rd, 2009 at 5:04 am
I find it difficult to argue with anything you’ve said in this post, so I won’t. One comment I would like to add however deals with the matter of how one deals with masturbation.
I personally have seen far to many men totally wracked with guilt because they cannot seem to break the habit of masturbating. It’s like they define their entire spiritual life by whether or not they masturbate. They lose sight of all the good God is doing in their lives and see only this one source of guilt and shame which they are powerless to overcome. Masturbation may not be a terribly healthy habit, but dealing with it in that fashion is far far worse.
I would encourage anyone who struggles with masturbation to remember that there is more to life than total sexual purity and self-control, and to remember how God is working in other areas of his life. Although I think it a good and noble pursuit to wish to have complete self-control in this matter, it must not be our single-minded focus (in no small part due to the fact that that would most likely doom the pursuit to failure).
If there is one thing I’ve learned during my few years on this earth, it is that everything we do as Christians must flow out of our relationship with God. You could have such astounding self-discipline such that you’re able to eliminate every sinful or damaging practice from your life, and yet, if you have no relationship with God, it is utterly pointless (in the grand scheme of things). So in light of that, I say, forget about the sin or whatever the issue may be, instead focus on your relationship with God and just let the evil and empty things of this world fade away in the light of His glory and grace. I should note I’m not saying temptations should not be fought, what I’m saying is: temptation cannot be fought directly. So instead of obsessing over masturbation, us men ought to make God our obsession.
So to sum it up, to any man who is struggling with masturbation: For God’s sake don’t obsess over it or define your spiritual life by it, God doesn’t, so it would seem a little silly for you to do so. Still strive for holiness, but FIRST AND FOREMOST, walk with God, enjoy Him, and let Him deal with every sin and weakness in your life in His time.
P.S. As minor note to any who may be confused, I tend to agree with what I take to be Jay’s core point— that masturbation is not a sin, but it’s still probably a good thing not to do it.
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:34 am
Excellent comment Andrew. Sexuality is a slice of life, and a relationship with God is of utmost importance. Maybe even our attempts to ‘get right’ can lead us off track from pursuing God??
September 12th, 2009 at 3:40 am
It’s definately a very real risk that our attempts to ‘get right’ with God can sidetrack us from our pursuit of God. I have seen people get totally caught up with developing discipline in these outward acts, particularly in the case of masturbation. So even though they seem to be sinning less, they’re more distant from God, which totally misses the point!
On a side note, thanks for this post, this is a matter which I’ve struggled for quite some time on how to deal with, and I think God has spoken to me through what you’ve said. So thanks a bunch.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:49 am
Awesome Andrew, thank YOU!
June 16th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Jay,
thank you. SO much.
June 16th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
My pleasure Jake. There’s plenty more where that came from!
July 14th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Why are anti-jacking off teachings a gateway to sexual intercourse? - If you teach your son that jacking-off is a sin he will fail – he will jack-off with guilt, but he will jack-off. His failure in this area will teach him that the world view that he can’t wait until marriage for sex will be reinforced. Dad, if your son sees jacking-off as something that he can’t not do and he does it – yes, he will see intercourse as something that he just can’t not do, and he will do it. Dad, if you teach your son that jacking-off is virgin protection you will be providing him a way to wait, not a way to fail.
July 15th, 2010 at 3:18 am
Hello "GSM" (dude, use your real name, I don't bite),
Wait what? Where did I say that encouraging people NOT to masturbate is a gateway to sex? If anything, all forms of lust are a slippery slope. Sin always takes us farther than we want to go.
Sometimes guilt reminds us that we're walking down the wrong path. My hope is that young men would come to repentance of the lust that's trying to ruin their lives.
The goal isn't "not masturbate" or "save sex for marriage." The goal is sexual purity.
August 2nd, 2010 at 3:36 am
Your title to this is kind of messed up.
I think you're riding on a dangerously slippery slop when you even voice that it's not a sin. As children of Christ we are called to something higher… why would we want to even flirt with the line between righteousness and unrighteousness???
August 6th, 2010 at 2:41 am
I totally agree Jesse… why ride the line? Best to stay clear by a country mile!